Options

When you work hard to have what you dreamed of and you got it, it makes you happy, right? But, what if life just wants you to have a taste of it? That life gives you so many options you're not wishing for right on your face, and you, there... trying to hold on on what you know will make you happy. What if life is showing you options  that you deserve even more than what you wanted? Will you go for it or will you hold onto your dream?

Hidden

I'm just an ordinary girl. 
I always smile.
I always laugh. 
I always do what they want. 
Living the way they wanted. 
I never complain. 
I never did. 
They see me as a cheerful and kind person. 
What they didn't know is that  deep inside i feel hurt. 
I feel like dying. 
That when I wake up every morning, I pray that the day would just end. 
That everything will be over. 
I'm not kind. 
Really not. 
I wanted to hurt anyone that comes my way. 
And I don't care who that person is. 
But... I really can't do anything. 
I'm hurting inside. 
Yes. 
But. 
What if. 
That person is suffering more than I already am. 
I don't know his story. 
And I don't want anyone to know mine. 
So. 
I'll just have to bare with it. 
And just hide what I feel.

Just wandering

1 year and 4 months...

And I just realized that I've been waking every morning wishing for the day to end.

I dont know why but I'm not looking forward into anything...

Feels like a zombie wandering around...

I just do what needs to be done...

Someday... Oneday... Hopefully sooner than what I've wished for...

I wanna feel what it's like to wake up and wish for the day to be long enough to do all the things I want, for the time to be so slooooooooow I can have more time to love and treasure every second of my life.

I wanna wake up oneday and be thankful of who I am, what I have, what I can give, and what I can do.

Don't get me wrong... I'm really thankful now but I'm not that happy. 

New start

New hospital, new environment, new rules,and new people to please.
I started my volunteer work at Evangelista Medical last monday. I'd really love to say NO but I cant do anything. Before we were given the schedule for our rotation, I wished that my first area would be OR (Operating room) and OB-Peds (obstetric and pediatric ward) would be the last. But HEY! It's funny how life works, giving you first what you dont wished for, then later if you deserved it, you'll get what you've wanted. The two areas just got switched!
1st. I am overwhelmed by the doors. I'm not used to it. I'm used seeing my patients all at once. :))
2nd. toxicity is my buddy. haha! 1st day = toxic.. the 2nd = toxic.. and the 3rd was hell. haha!! Incident report on my 3rd day?! that fast?! haha! I'll just laugh it off.
3rd. Why am I always A.L.O.N.E?! *sigh* I'll just need to get used to it.

Lookin' forward for tomorrow! What will happen next? ahaha!

Sigh

*sigh* Reality should stop. I'm not enjoying life anymore.

*sigh* Been doing things JUST because I HAVE TO OR I NEED TO.. not because I WANT TO. And I'm not happy about it. Really, NO! But, what can I do? :(

*sigh*

live others dream

When we were still kids, we were asked what we wanted to be in the future. Now that we've known what we wanted and what to do with our lives, they're the ones making the decision for us. It's so hard to live other peoples dream. But do I seriously have a choice? *sigh*

October 24'12

Today, October 24, 2012, marks yet another day of being on the same country, same place, breathing the same freakin' air, with one of my favorite boygroups and not freakin' able to see them. THAT. IS. HEART. BREAKING. I cant do anything about it because my parents wont allow me and I dont have enough money to buy a ticket. -_- The  thought of being in the same place with your bias and you're just few meters away from him, that's a WoW moment. But not being able to see him in that short distance, that's an Aww moment. You'll only got the chance to 'just wish' and dream the 'what ifs'.

It's also betty's birthday~:) we had our dinner at pizza hut. Juu's not there... -- she's freakin watching the concert!!! while we- her friends- was inside the mall taking about how the concert will go. -___- great right? oh well, I'm just glad it's not b2utiful show. haha~